I’ve almost been living in
site for a year now, and it seems like it’s time for another round of “Sh*t my Host Dad
Says.”
I really
feel my relationship with my host family has strengthened in the last year. I’ve bonded
with my host parents through various events, and I could not feel more blessed
in my living situation here in Peru. Now that my host siblings aren’t around as
much anymore I get a lot more one-on-one time with my host parents, and more
time to sit and talk with my host dad.
My host dad and I have
talked about just about everything under the sun. I appreciate the time we’ve
spent together discussing and arguing over all the big and little things in
this life. Aside from some cultural differences and beliefs, I’ve come to find
we agree on many important topics, such as integrity, education, family, and friendship. I really respect my host dad for breaking the typical Peruano stereotype in many ways, and treating me as part of the family.
He also says and does a lot
of funny shit.
So without further ado, some funny and ridiculous crap my host dad has said over
the months.
International Women’s Day
HD: Women’s day…when will
there be a MEN’S day?
Me: Every other day of the
year.
On Safety
HD: With all of these
earthquakes, there is no telling when the ceiling can fall down on your head.
Every single person needs a helmet! They need a helmet to grab at any instant,
am I right?
Me: Sure, I guess.
HD: No, listen to me, when
an earthquake strikes, and it can strike at any minute, the walls can crumble
down on you, am I right? What if you’re in bed? You need a helmet at the
bedside to put on. So, get yourself a helmet.
Me: I do have a helmet [bike
helmet].
HD: Then where is it?
Me: Where’s yours?
[Note: No major earthquakes
have had an epicenter near my area in recent years. This was in light of an
earthquake in Chile.]
Lock the door and throw
away the key
(We have this conversation
at least once a week.)
HD: Amanda, I’m leaving the
house.
Me: Okay.
HD: I’m locking the door,
don’t let anyone in, okay?
Me: Okay.
HD: Don’t let a soul inside
the house. I’m locking the door, keep it locked, don’t let anyone inside.
Me: Okay.
HD: Nobody.
Me: Nobody.
HD: Nobody at all.
Me: Nobody at all.
HD: Not anyone.
Me: I know, not anyone.
HD: Nobody.
Me: Nobody, not a soul, not
a single person is entering our house, okay I get it.
HD: Okay, good.
Proper Training
Host dad: You're training
for a 21k race?! [Half Marathon]
Me: Yeah, for July 1st
HD: Well, you're really going to have to take
care of yourself during the next 2 months. No drinking or smoking!
Me: You know I don't smoke [and he's NEVER seen
me drink]!
HD: You also need to stretch really well. We
need to hook your arms and legs up to two motos and have them drive in opposite
directions.
Me: Um, I don't think that's what I need to do.
HD: Amanda, I was a PE Teacher. I know about
these sorts of things.
When I was your age…
Host Dad: You’re getting
lazy, you haven’t been running lately, have you?
Me: Yes I have! I just
didn’t run yesterday.
HD: Well, I didn’t see you.
What has your farthest run been so far?
Me: Almost to Tupac Amaru
and back [total of 12 miles].
HD: That’s nothing. I used
to run all the way to the beach and back in my youth [total of 22 miles].
Me: I don’t believe you.
HD: I did! I ran all over
the countryside all the time.
Me: Yeah, right.
HD: How old are you?
Me: 26.
HD: Yeah? Well when I was 26
you weren’t even born.
|
(My host dad knocking fruit out of a tree)
HD: Grab them! Get em! Pick them up! |
|
HD: Gather them! Gather them!
Me: Ahhh! They're going to hit me in the head! |
Strangers with Candy
(At breakfast one morning
concerning visiting my friend Zack’s site)
Host dad: Okay, when you are
visiting Zack, if someone- are you listening to me?- if someone offers
you candy, put it in your
pocket.
Me: Okay...
HD: Listen to me! Put it in your pocket, and wait for them to leave, then throw it away. DO
NOT EAT IT!
Me: Um, yeah, of course. I don't eat candy from
strangers.
HD: DO NOT EAT THE CANDY if you don't know the
person!
Me: YEAH, I KNOW! I DON'T EAT CANDY FROM
STRANGERS!
HD: Okay, good.
Nyquil
(I had a cold and had taken
some Nyquil to help me sleep. I ended up sleeping 12 hours and into mid
morning).
HD: [knocking at my door]
Amanda? Amanda!!
Me: What?
HD: Amanda!? Amanda?!
Me: What?! What?!
HD:
AMANDA! AMANDA!!!
Me: WHAT?! WHY ARE YOU
YELLING AT ME?!
HD: I thought you were
DEAD! I thought something HAPPENED TO YOU! Don't be mad at me!
(After
I got up and explained to him I had taken medicine to help me sleep he started
lecturing me.)
HD:
The next time you decide to take pills that help you sleep, you tell me! You
usually wake up so early and today you didn't and I didn't know what happened!
So tell me if you're taking medicine. And let me borrow some.
Buck
up!
Host
dad: What’s wrong with you? What do you have?
Me: I don’t know. I don’t
feel good, my stomach and body hurt.
HD: Do you have a fever?
Me: I don’t think so…
HD: Well, for the love of
God, get a thermometer and find out! What’s the point of just thinking about
it, I don’t want to hear, “I don’t
think so.” Get a thermometer and get done with it!
On Family
(It is really uncommon for a
woman my age to be single and childless in most of Peru. My host parents are
some of the only Peruvian’s I’ve met who are pro-waiting to get married and
have kids. That being said, it’s still common to talk about it.)
Host Dad: You want to have
kids someday, right?
Me: Yeah, I think so.
HD: How many? Three, right?
You want three.
Me: Eh, no more than three
that’s for sure.
HD: But more than one,
right?
Me: Yes, more than one.
HD: Well, you have to have
three. Because if you have just one and something happens to you and your
husband, that kid is all alone in the world. Or if the kid dies, then you have
no children. If you have only two and one child dies, then you come back to the
same problem. That’s why you need three, so that there is always someone to be
around in case someone dies.
(This conversation continued
on with talk of miscarriages and having children).
HD: You shouldn’t have any
problems having kids though, you’re athletic, I’m sure your ovaries are strong.
Say my name, say my name…
(After having lived with my
host family for 3 months)
HD:
Hey, what’s my name?
Me: Martin…
HD: [big grin] That’s right!
I
thought this was funny, because to me this meant he thought I didn’t know his
name after I’d been living there for 3 months. Then, on Justin’s recent visit
my host dad asked again…
HD:
Hey, does your boyfriend know my name?
Me:
[in English] Justin, he wants to know if you know his name.
Justin:
Oh crap, you just told me this earlier..uh….uh….
Me:
[whispering] Martin.
Justin:
Oh yeah! Martin!
Host
Mom: No it’s not.
Me:
What?!
HM:
His name is Victor. Victor Manuel.
Me:
But…why does everyone call him Martin?
HM:
His mom started calling him Martin when he was a baby, and it just stuck. But
it’s not his name.
The
whole time my host dad just sat there with a big grin on his face and his
laughing eyes. With all the times we’ve joked, I’ve never heard my host dad
laugh out-loud before, but I think that was the closest thing to it.
|
Justin (with the hat my host dad gave him), me, and my host parents. |
|
My host dad taking a more "slimming" picture after seeing the other photos and feeling he looked fat. |