I’m not sure if you’re all
aware of this or not, but I only have about 9 months left in Peru. Of my 2 years and some
change of service, I’m down to ¾ of a year. This became much more real for me
as we said goodbye to the 16ers closing their service and, aside from 3rd
year volunteers, there was no one left that had been here longer than us. By
the end of November, Peru 17 will be the “senior” group in Peru. Peru 20 is
already well into training and will be doing site visits in a couple weeks.
This does weird things to my emotions.
The same weekend of the
16ers despedida (going away party), I had a skype date with my
boyfriend and some of his friends (the majority of which he has met while I’ve
been gone). He was having a small get together at our place (well, now his
place) and wanted me to meet the people he spends time with. I was on skype
and Justin set his laptop down on the kitchen table so I could see everyone. The connection was awful and they could hardly hear anything I said, but I still got to meet everyone. Of
the four people at his place, I knew one. So I “sat” at my kitchen table,
looking into the place I shared with my boyfriend that still has my art hanging
on the wall and my dishes on the shelves, and I was essentially the stranger at
the table. You see, apparently life goes on even in your absence. And bizarrely
enough, I came to this realization and broke down into weeping and sobbing.
I wasn’t emotional because
my boyfriend has friends I don’t know. I became emotional because of so many
things, I don’t even know where to start. Like how my life these past 16 ½
months has been a never-ending rollercoaster of change. How it took so long to
find my place here, and soon everything from the friends I made to the life I’ve
constructed will be gone, never to return to this state. And how I will return
to a home I was so sad to leave, only to find it is both exactly how I left it
and completely different, and I will be the one trying to fit back in.
A lot of things have
happened back home since I’ve been here. Engagements, weddings, births,
divorces and funerals. Fires have completely wiped out entire forests I once
hiked through and worked in. People have moved towns, people have changed. You
know, life has happened. It’s been happening here, too. When you’re an outsider
looking in, it feels like so much has happened so fast.
It's strange because this feeling is not connected to homesickness. While a small part of me
wishes I could participate in holiday activities back home, I know I’ll be
there next year. Meanwhile my opportunities to be involved with things here grow less with each day. I know, 9 months seems like a long time, but is it?
~Amanda Marie~
ReplyDeleteNine Months may not seem like a long time when you look back on it but looking ahead nine months seems like a long time. It also depends on what you are doing for those nine months. If you are waiting for someone, it may seem like a long time. If you are trying to take advantage of the last nine months of a twenty-seven month experience, it may seem like not enough time.
Even though life has gone on here in Corvallis without you, all the new people in my life feel as if they already know you. I talk about you a lot to our friends and family and to new friends I have made in your absence. You may not be walking at my side but you are still a huge part of my life and all the people in my life know that.
There is no magic wand to wave and make coming home easier. The reverse culture shock, loss of friends you made in PC, change of lifestyle, language change, new friends to meet, finding a job, etc. is all going to be difficult. Remember that you have an awesome support network that loves you and cares about your well-being. Time, a positive attitude, and some good coffee will help.
I think your last nine months in PC will go great. You are going to continue to have the time of your life and your connection with your community will grow stronger. You are a smart woman with lots of drive. Although I cannot wait to restart our life together I want your PC experience to be fulfilling. The nine months you have left will go by slowly for me but I hope they also go by slowly for you so you can aprovechar every moment left in your PC experience.
Keep your chin up. Fitting in stateside when you return will be easier than you think.